This morning I was able to spend a few hours going to garage sales with my mother.  Even though I didn’t buy very  many things, it was so fun to go from sale to sale, hunting for the elusive finds, and enjoying each other’s company.

While we were walking around, my mother asked me if I was excited about having another baby.  I had to think about my answer.  My automatic response was, “Why, of course!”  But when I examined my feelings, I had to admit that “excitement” isn’t really the best word.  In some ways, having babies is something I take for granted.  It just happens whether I like it or not.  In other ways, having a baby is something special.  Since we have lost so many babies to miscarriage, I can’t assume that a pregnancy will be successful.  The more babies I have and the older I get, the more I appreciate the opportunity to have another baby.  I love babies now so much more than I did at first.  God has taught me the beauty of new life, how to be patient with the needy newborns, how to tolerate a pesky toddler, and how to delight in the joy of a little tyke discovering the world.

But all of these romantic, beautiful thoughts are quite buried right now as I slog through the days of sickness.  Oh, it’s not as bad as it could be.  Others suffer much more than I do.  But in my own little way, it’s my cross to bear.  It’s hard to be pleased with the idea of being pregnant when every day is filled with fighting nausea.  Every pregnancy is a little different, and this one is interesting in that I feel the worst at night.  Almost every night I lay in bed wondering if I’m going to be able to get to sleep feeling so poorly.

But one other thing I’ve learned over the past 12 years of childbearing is that each stage is temporary.  Morning sickness passes.  The days that seem like forever now will soon yield to the next stage, and life will go on.  So, I’m not really feeling too sorry for myself.  I’m glad I can still wear my regular clothes for now.  I’m glad that I’m not any worse than I am.  I’m glad that my family is being so kindhearted toward me.  I’m glad that all is well in every other way.

Back to my mother’s question… Am I excited about this baby?  Ummm, not yet.  Glad?  Yes.  Hopeful?  Yes.  Grateful?  Of course.  I’m hoping the excitement will set in once the nausea passes.  Until then, I cling to hope.