A few days ago someone posted a question on an e-mail list about how involved Dads are in our homeschooling lives, and I composed the following response. When I read it to Michael this morning, he told me I should put it on my blog. So here it is for you to read. I’m also going to copy the response my friend Bethany wrote for the group. She’s even more articulate than I am, and I enjoy her writing. I hope you enjoy our thoughts.

I have two thoughts to share regarding your question of homeschooling fathers.

First, if your son were to attend school, how would your husband interact with him during the time he is not at school? The answer to that question is the answer to the question of how your husband will interact with him as a homeschooler. But to answer your question more specifically, here are a few examples of how the dad in our family is involved. He does the fun experiments and activities that I have no patience to do. If six glasses need to be filled with water of various depths and then spoons clinked against them, that’s a perfect “dad” activity. The kids think it’s great and Dad’s the hero of the evening. Also, if I need an unemotional teacher, I pull Dad in. If the kids (especially the boys) have been resisting my instruction to do certain things, I turn it over to Dad. He “kneels” on them (figuratively speaking) and the boys shape up in a hurry. This is done during the evenings and weekends, of course, which makes it even more effective, since no one wants to be doing dreary schoolwork at that time. I also have regular “parent-teacher conferences” with my husband to get his advice and input on what I’m doing with the kids.

My second point is this: Break out of the mentality that homeschooling only happens with paper and pencil. Things don’t have to look like traditional school to be “school”. Anything done with Dad is schooling. If they fly a kite, hunt bugs, take a walk, wrestle, make pancakes, watch Dad change the oil, talk about magnets, read stories, do chores together or even just talk, they are learning and being schooled. In Deuteronomy the Lord tells the fathers to instruct their children when they get up in the morning and when they lay down at night. Everything you do is part of the bigger picture. So even if Dad never sits and teaches the kiddo what a verb is or how to do a math problem, he is still vitally involved in their education. When he stops by the side of the road to help a stranded motorist or when he helps someone carry heavy packages, he is teaching his sons what a real man is made of. When you’re listening to the radio and your son asks his dad why gas prices matter, that’s another schooling opportunity. When Dad teaches your son to bite his tongue and not speak every thought that crosses his head, he has learned another valuable lesson. And when Dad spills his whole bag of Reese’s Pieces into a storage box without losing his temper, the kids learn the best lesson of all.

Whether or not your children learn their core subjects at home or in a school building, their father is still involved in their schooling. So, encourage your husband to seize those moments, and realize that every activity done with your child IS school.

Oh, and one thing I really enjoy doing is to have the children tell their Dad what they learned in school. He gets to admire their work, and they get a good review. It also invites conversation between the bouncy children and their tired father.

Best wishes!
Christie

I heartily concur with what Christie said. It is true that my husband doesn’t teach grammar and writing, and rarely teaches math. But he does innumerable science experiments such as building hovercrafts, exploring areodynamics through wing design, fundamental engine theory and design, and fun chemistry experiments. And while he doesn’t teach literary analysis, he reads out loud to our children for an hour every evening, and has maintained this habit for 7 or 8 years. And he doesn’t usually teach catechism, but he does read the chapter of scripture that we will be studying in church the next week most nights at supper. And then leads discussions on what the pastor preached on Sunday afternoon. And he does a lot of the violin practice with one son, accompanying him with his guitar, although I usually cover the piano and flute practice. And he teaches the boys how to shoot guns, and tests their physical limits with bike sprints, wrestling, and push-up contests.

In our family, my husband has never been able to teach a “curriculum”. But while we walk through life, opportunities occur for teaching. One son learn to problem solve while fixing a broken vacuum cleaner. Two sons are instructed in proper painting techniques while the entryway is being spruced up. When a child is busy trying to melt his erasor against the light bulb instead of doing his math, my husband tells him how much time he lost as a child doing the same silly time-wasting maneuvers. And then holds his nose to the grindstone to get the work done in timely manner.

But more than any of those things, my husband teaches his children by the example of his godly character. When I get angry and lose my temper, he speaks kindly and gently to me. When he comes home after a long day at work, and I am nursing a baby, the house is a wreck, and a stubborn boy is lingering over his school work, he doesn’t complain or get angry. He just walks into the kitchen and starts making supper. He is forever putting his own desires behind the needs of other people. And he is patient and thoughtful in his dealings with all people, always thinking the best of everyone. His children know that Daddy is the walking example of someone who as a servant of God is a Servant of All. And they desire to emulate him. This is the sort of education that cannot be bought or planned, but it is priceless.

If your husband’s desire is to be involved in the teaching of the children, it will most assuredly happen. It may be Scripture Reading, or how to use the internet, or whatever else comes up. Your husband has certain skills and abilities that he will want his children to know. Using tools properly is rarely mentioned in curriculum, but it is a necessary part of life. If you and your husband put a priority on the time spent with their father, the education will occur while they are with him. Christie mentioned Deuteronomy’s injunction to teach in the morning, at night, and as you walk through your day. But it is important to put it as a priority in the day’s schedule. Because my husband works long days, his time with the children is in the evenings and weekends. And so my children go to bed late and get up late — so that they can spend time with their father. This cuts into “regular school” hours, but it is well worth it. And my husband spends hours with his five sons every night, even though he is physically and mentally exhausted from his 12 hour work day. But he regards it as worth the sacrifice of his free time. You just have to look at your own family schedule, and prioritize the children’s time with their father. While other activities may suffer, you will not regret the long term effects it has on the character of your children.

Bethany

You can read the Pantagraph story of what happened today on our street.

We grieve with our neighbors and wish there was more we could do to help.

Today, when all this was happening, I went to comfort Angie, and she said through her tears, “I’ve been meaning to get down to your house. We’re glad you’re back.”  I replied, “We’re glad we’re back, too.”

Last night Michael and I were sitting on the front porch, and I commented that I was surprised he was still up, since it was fairly late and he had said he was tired.  Michael replied that yes, he was tired, but he was feeling like it was ok to delay going to bed a little since he didn’t have to get up early the next morning.  I looked at him in surprise, frantically trying to remember what day it was and what the next day was, and then it dawned on me that this was the beginning of Michael’s long weekend!  Thanks to the July 4 holiday, Michael has an extra day off this week.  Of course, this had all been discussed previously, but I had failed to make the connection yesterday.  What a sweet surprise and a wonderful side benefit to being absent-minded!

So this morning Michael “slept in” until 7 a.m. (his alarm usually wakes him at 4:30 a.m.), and then he got up and made coffee.  I know that both of us would like to still be snoozing away, but noisy birds and a chirping baby girl are encouraging us to rise and greet the day.

The house is still very quiet though, since the children are all still sleeping.  Yesterday afternoon we took them to the pool, and then when we got home they played on the trampoline, so they were completely worn out by bedtime.

Speaking of a trampoline… I have to share that yesterday we were given another trampoline!  It’s worn out and used and a little rusty, but it still has life in it, so we went and disassembled it, packed it into the van, brought it home and reassembled it, and have been enjoying it very much!  Our other trampoline was damaged last fall when a few rusty spots on the legs caused them to bend, and we haven’t gotten it fixed yet.  So this was an exciting blessing for all of us.

Since this is Michael’s long weekend, I’m already making a mental list of all the things I hope we can accomplish to make our house look more like a home and less like a cardboard-box warehouse.

Oh, and I think I forgot to tell you that next Monday is Judah’s surgery to remove his appendix.  He is scheduled for the 8 a.m. slot in Peoria, which means leaving here at 5:30 a.m. to get there for prep at 6:30 a.m.  Michael will take him and they will probably spend the night there and come home Tuesday.  I will be very glad to have this all done.

Have a great weekend!